How can money restore relationships? (21:14)
A gift in secret subdues anger and a bribe in the bosom, strong wrath.
Gifts can heal broken relationships. As the scene opens, two people are upset with each other, and a wise use of wealth can be the solution.
If given properly, a gift can restore broken friendships, but the giver must be careful not to make a big show, celebrating himself. Publicity in generosity diminishes the healing power of giving.
Secrecy enhances a gift’s power to pacify and opens the door for reconciliation.
Translation: Bribe
I usually prefer the NASB translation for its accuracy, but with this proverb, I think other versions do better. The Hebrew word for “bribe,” שחד (šō•ḥăḏ, pronounced “shō-khadh”), can also be translated as “present,” “reward,” or “payment,” and it should be translated as “present,” for these reasons:
- It’s the clear message of the first part of the text;
- It’s similar to the KJV translation;
- Strong wrath, although unpleasant, is not illegal, while bribes promote illegal activity;
- In Luther’s German, it is translated as “Geshenk,” meaning gift.
Peace Offerings
A present becomes a bribe when it’s given to motivate any sort of evil. Then the desired purpose is the deed, not the other person. Anger is not always unrighteousness. Something given to subdue anger is not a bribe. So this is gifts for personal reconciliation, peace offerings.
In contrast, commentator Charles Bridges believed that secret giving implies sinful giving, “to avoid the cry of injustice or to hide greed.” Though this is sometimes true, I don’t think it always is. If you can win back a friend with a gift, then do it, but properly. The words “in secret” and “in the bosom” imply the giving is done in private, not as a public event. Why?
Famous preacher John Gill explains, “Anger is a fire in the breast, and restraining it is properly expressed by extinguishing it: This gift or present does—as it did in Esau from Jacob, in David from Abigail. But it must be secretly given, otherwise it may provoke more, since it may show vanity in the giver, and covetousness in the receiver; and the former may [then] have more honour than the latter.”
Public versus Private
If the gift is given publicly, the situation becomes more complex. People are watching and making personal judgments. Public reputation and perception come into play. The recipient may be viewed as impoverished, in need, or greedy. Thus the recipients’ public image may be sullied. Suddenly the gift is not appreciated. It could make the recipient even angrier toward the giver.
Similarly, the public may see the giver as a “good guy,” while the angry recipient still sees him as a “bad guy,” trying to look good in public. Commentator Matthew Henry wrote, “It must be a gift in secret and a reward in the bosom, for he that takes it would not be thought to covet it, nor known to receive it, nor would he willingly be beholden to him whom he has been offended with; but, if it be done privately, all is well. No man should be too open in giving any gift, nor boast of the presents he sends.”
A gift in secret focuses all good intentions on the recipient, not to gain any public acclaim or honour, but to give satisfaction only to the recipient. Peace offerings don’t always work. Sometimes (see Proverbs 6:26) the offense can seem so great, that even gifts given in secret are ineffective.
- Memorize the text in your favourite translation and think about it often.
- Learn to give in secret. Don’t make a donation as an exercise in public relations or a subtle form of advertising. Otherwise the recipient is not sure if you really want to help or just want to make yourself look good.
- Use money to heal important friendships if you are rich, especially those in your own family. Love people more than “stuff”.
- Study Proverbs 19:6 to find out more about the interpersonal benefits of wise giving.
Which of these steps, if any, does Jesus want you to take now? Ask Him.
Gifts can heal broken relationships. As the scene opens, two people are upset with each other, and a wise use of wealth can be the solution.
If given properly, a gift can restore broken friendships, but the giver must be careful not to make a big show, celebrating himself. Publicity in generosity diminishes the healing power of giving.
Secrecy enhances a gift’s power to pacify and opens the door for reconciliation.
Translation: Bribe
I usually prefer the NASB translation for its accuracy, but with this proverb, I think other versions do better. The Hebrew word for “bribe,” שחד (šō•ḥăḏ, pronounced “shō-khadh”), can also be translated as “present,” “reward,” or “payment,” and it should be translated as “present,” for these reasons:
- It’s the clear message of the first part of the text;
- It’s similar to the KJV translation;
- Strong wrath, although unpleasant, is not illegal, while bribes promote illegal activity;
- In Luther’s German, it is translated as “Geshenk,” meaning gift.
Peace Offerings
A present becomes a bribe when it’s given to motivate any sort of evil. Then the desired purpose is the deed, not the other person. Anger is not always unrighteousness. Something given to subdue anger is not a bribe. So this is gifts for personal reconciliation, peace offerings.
In contrast, commentator Charles Bridges believed that secret giving implies sinful giving, “to avoid the cry of injustice or to hide greed.” Though this is sometimes true, I don’t think it always is. If you can win back a friend with a gift, then do it, but properly. The words “in secret” and “in the bosom” imply the giving is done in private, not as a public event. Why?
Famous preacher John Gill explains, “Anger is a fire in the breast, and restraining it is properly expressed by extinguishing it: This gift or present does—as it did in Esau from Jacob, in David from Abigail. But it must be secretly given, otherwise it may provoke more, since it may show vanity in the giver, and covetousness in the receiver; and the former may [then] have more honour than the latter.”
Public versus Private
If the gift is given publicly, the situation becomes more complex. People are watching and making personal judgments. Public reputation and perception come into play. The recipient may be viewed as impoverished, in need, or greedy. Thus the recipients’ public image may be sullied. Suddenly the gift is not appreciated. It could make the recipient even angrier toward the giver.
Similarly, the public may see the giver as a “good guy,” while the angry recipient still sees him as a “bad guy,” trying to look good in public. Commentator Matthew Henry wrote, “It must be a gift in secret and a reward in the bosom, for he that takes it would not be thought to covet it, nor known to receive it, nor would he willingly be beholden to him whom he has been offended with; but, if it be done privately, all is well. No man should be too open in giving any gift, nor boast of the presents he sends.”
A gift in secret focuses all good intentions on the recipient, not to gain any public acclaim or honour, but to give satisfaction only to the recipient. Peace offerings don’t always work. Sometimes (see Proverbs 6:26) the offense can seem so great, that even gifts given in secret are ineffective.